(3) Anxiety

This is a story about the feeling of complete defeat in the battle against the fear of speaking - about the moment when fear takes control, and silence becomes proof that, despite all efforts, it has happened again - anxiety has taken over.

I give in completely, stiffening. Darkness takes me by the hand, and I search for a frame to enclose myself in forever. I surrender my voice and the last fragments of myself as piercing gazes of the audience slice through the silence.

It feels as if there’s nothing left to fix. Once again, I’ve failed—after the first sentence, I fell silent. After all the preparation… nothing.

Pathetically, I believed that this time, I would be able to start, continue, and finish my speech.

I lock my fear and shame in the embrace of anxiety.